How to Have the Best Day Ever

Step One:

Give child diarrhea in the middle of the night.

Step Two:

Wake to discover a bedroom that reeks of the aforementioned diarrhea, and the child who is sleeping in it, spreading it all over himself and his bed.

Step Three:

Attempt to hose down child and get him clean before school.

Step Four:

Spend over an hour scrubbing at mattress with steam cleaner.

Step Five:

Drench with Febreeze.

Step Six:

Get a root canal.

Step Seven:

Return home to discover that the bedroom still reeks.

Step Eight:

Repeat step four.

Step Nine:

Repeat step five.

Step Ten:

Run out of Febreeze.

Step Eleven:

Open the window and the door and turn on the fan, praying that the stench will dissipate before children have to sleep in that room.