Roommate Reflections

The Perfect Man Test

Caer's boyfriend was a jerk. I don't know why she dated him in the first place, but when they broke up it was a mixed blessing.

Mixed, because it was better for her not to be with him, but at the same time she was reeling from the way he'd treated her. We spent many a class period cursing his existence. At the time, I was still frustrated by the lack of interest from Genius Nerd Piano Guy, and disdainful of the opposite sex in general.

Caer and I decided that no man would be good enough for us unless he was Perfect. So we set out to define Perfection.

We came up with a list of about twenty things that a man had to do in order to be Perfect, like call when he said he was going to, and still let us have time with our female friends, and be sensitive and caring and uplifting and a good kisser.

Hour after agonizing hour, sitting in the back of our classes, we worked to make a Perfect Man Test that would stand the test of time. We typed up and printed out our Perfect Man Test, with points for each item listed. For a man to be considered Perfect, he had to get at least 90 out of 100 on the test.

When it was ready, we gave it to all of our male friends (including a few professors--incidentally, the president of our college suggested that Good Kisser should be at the top of the list, instead of at the bottom where Caer and I had put it), and determined their level of Perfection.

Needless to say, neither of us found a perfect man, but most men ranked higher than Caer's ex, so pretty much anything would be a step up.

Genius Nerd Piano Guy remarked, when we gave the test to him, that it was pretty easy to tell which items stemmed from personal experience. Apparently we'd been a little biased. The items on the list which were direct opposites of the things Caer's ex had done to her were written in complete sentences, for example, "He has to be willing to pay for the dates at least half the time," whereas the general ones were one to two words, like "Good kisser."

Not that we changed it based on his opinion. He was hardly Perfect himself. Or, at least, not yet. Besides, it was a great way to help Caer get through her emotional trauma while inadvertently announcing her ex's (lack of) character to the entire school.

We had divined a fabulous way to measure the Perfection of a man, and we intended to use it.

And we held on to copies of said test for many years following, ready for use when a man should come along and need to be ranked for Perfection before he could be considered for suitorhood.